Blueprints

Part 1

This is the first part of a two-part series entitled, “Blueprints – God’s Design for Men, Women, and the Home,” intended to highlight the separate and unique design God has for men and women. This series will cover individual gender responsibilities and roles and their fitment within the home, church, and community.

Most churches are reluctant to discuss these blueprints for fear of offending their members or being called sexist, misogynist, or intolerant by the world. I, however, have been called much worse and it will not change the truth of God’s Word. If you disagree with God, take it up with Him. Any meaningful discussions regarding matters of faith or politics (which often encompass religious matters) will most certainly be offensive to someone. But that offense should motivate investigation and cultivate dialogue, not silence, cowardice, and ignorance. So, you’ve been warned.

What’s the Plan?

Blueprints are a set of drawings that provide a detailed visual representation and instructions of how an architect has planned a particular physical structure. Originating in the mid-nineteenth century (around 1842), engineers developed a standardized process of drafting a set of plans that were printed on blue paper with white lines, to provide consistent safe designs for buildings. Blueprints include specifics like building dimensions, construction materials, and orientation of all pertinent components. There are also several different kinds of blueprints, depending on the particular design for the building. But every blueprint serves the same purpose: to provide a pattern of intended design.

God has an intended design for us and has provided blueprints that give us the specific details we need. Blueprints for society, blueprints for individuals, blueprints for individual relationships, blueprints for the home, and blueprints for His Church. Each component in these blueprints serve a unique function, and when used according to design, play an integral part in the Architect’s master plan. Disregard, neglect, or reject these blueprints and there will be damage.

Individual Blueprints

Do Your Own Job

Generally speaking, there are eight types of drawings in a set of blueprints: general, architectural, structural, electrical, mechanical, plumbing, door/window/finish, and a specifications sheet. Each blueprint is unique and has all of the information necessary for that particular component of the building. If you use the wrong blueprint for the wrong part of the house, damage will be done, and the entire house may fall apart. Using the blueprints and construction materials on the roof, for example, instead of the interior wall that it was designed for, will lead to disastrous consequences. The wall simply is not designed to endure the beating a roof takes. It will break and collapse under the pressure and the house will be destroyed. In God’s blueprint for the home, the different components that make up the home have been crafted for specific purposes and are designed to fit together in just the right way. They all have their own job to do.

Continuing the previous analogy, God has designed a man to be physically bigger and stronger and able to compartmentalize emotions in order to endure harsh environments and heavy burdens needed to lead and protect his family. In the same way a roof is designed to be rough and durable to protect the interior of the home, so men have been designed. Their primary duty is not to be soft and pretty, but strong and stable enough to protect the entire house from the harsh outside world and to hold the walls together. Conversely, the walls are designed to be softer and more delicate, decorated with beauty and provide a comfortable environment. But the most important job of the wall is to support the roof that protects the whole house. Without the walls holding up that roof, the entire home will be crushed. In the same way, a wife is designed to support her husband and provide a comforting and nurturing environment for the entire family. However, even the most supportive wall and most durable roof will fail without being built upon a proper foundation. So too, our home and family will fail without being built upon the foundation of Jesus Christ. Without Jesus as the blueprint of your family’s foundation, failure is guaranteed.

Responsibilities of Men and Women

At this point, you may be asking, “Ok, then what is my job? What does my blueprint say?” I’ll make it easy.

Men – Blueprints of Responsibilities

Men, your responsibilities as a Christ-follower are to:

Be strong and courageous (1 Corinthians 16:13 Joshua 1:9)
Work (Genesis 2:15)
Provide for your family (1 Timothy 5:8)
Be compassionate (1 Peter 3:7, Psalm 103:13)
Love (Matthew 22:37-39)
Be a godly husband of one wife (Genesis 2:24, 1 Timothy 3:2, 1 Corinthians 7:2)
Give his wife intimacy (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
Be a godly father (Proverbs 23:24, Ephesians 6:4, Hebrews 12:7)
Be accountable (1 Corinthians 11:13)
Be honorable (Proverbs 20:7, Philippians 4:8)
Be the head of his house and properly lead his wife (Ephesians 5:23-24)
Serve sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25, John 15:13)

Women – Blueprints of Responsibilities

Women, your responsibilities as a Christ-follower are to:

Show kindness and wisdom (Proverbs 31:26, Acts 18:26, Titus 2:3-5)
Be a godly mother (Genesis 21:6-7, Proverbs 23:25, 1 Timothy 5:9-10)
Be a godly wife (Genesis 2:22-24, Matthew 19:4-6)
Give her husband intimacy (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
Be respectable (Ruth 3:11, 1 Timothy 2:9-10, 3:11, 1 Peter 3:4-6)
Support the work of the church (Romans 16:1-2, Philippians 4:3)
Be diligent in everything (Exodus 35:25, Proverbs 31:16,20, Acts 9:36, 16:14)
Love, believe, and respect the Lord (Proverbs 31:30-31, 1 Corinthians 7:34)
Care for your household (Proverbs 14:1, 31:15, 1 Timothy 5:14)
Learn quietly in church (1 Corinthians 14:34, 1 Timothy 2:11-13)
Support your husband (Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 31:28-29, 1 Corinthians 11:8-9)
Love and respect your husband (Ephesians 5:33, 1 Peter 3:1-2, Titus 2:4-5)
Submit to your husband (1 Corinthians 11:13, Ephesians 5:22-24)

Also note that differentiating responsibilities do not equate to different values. Men and women have the same dignity and value, and together resemble the image of God, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27, ESV) That means that God created men and women differently, as opposite in form and function, each have their own unique gender responsibilities (more on that in part 2). All of these responsibilities are patterns of God’s intended design for us- our blueprints. They are not optional. You may not accept some and reject others. Western culture adamantly opposes women submitting in obedience to their husbands and men serving, sacrificing, and accepting accountability. But they are, in-fact, commandments from God and are non-negotiable. As a Christian, you must be obedient to God, even if you, in all your great wisdom, disagree with Him.

Fitment Blueprints (what fits where)

Putting it all Together

Approximately half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, but it is significantly less in Christian marriages where both sexes embrace their God-given rolls and are engaged in an active church community. When married couples divorce, it is primarily because the husband and wife have not embraced their individual responsibilities- individual Gender Blueprints- and followed the pattern of design for marriage- the Marriage Blueprint. This, in turn, destroys the Family Blueprint, Parental Blueprint, Friendship Blueprint, Financial Blueprint, and so on. Frankly, if you want to know why there are so many problems in the world, like crime, gender confusion/dysphoria (we will cover that in part 2), homosexuality, adultery, rape, gangs, and a litany of other prevailing social issues, all you have to do is look at the home. Statistics show that over ninety-one percent of homosexuals and sex offenders (including rape, sodomy, and pedophilia) have had an abusive childhood and over eighty-eight percent of gang members come from a fatherless home. Those statistics are societal indications that we are not following our pattern of design and underscores the importance of following the blueprint God has drafted for us.

A Wife’s Obedience

Without a doubt, the most controversial responsibility God gives wives is submission in obedience to their husband, “wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:22-24, ESV) This immediately stirs up the spirit of rebellion in the woman and she refuses to obey her husband as the God-given authority in the home. Now, before you start shifting blame or justifying your rebellion, and say things like, “but he never…,” or, “well, he always…,” or, “if you knew him, …” But I don’t need to know him or your circumstance to say you should be obedient to your responsibilities to the Lord. That includes submitting to the authority of your husband, whether you think he deserves it or not.

A Husband’s Sacrifice

Now, the husband may have greater authority within the household, but he also has a greater responsibility. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:24-28, ESV) And, before you start shifting blame or justifying your rebellion, and say things like, “but she never…,” or, “well, she always…,” or, “if you knew her…,” I don’t need to know her or your circumstance to say you should be obedient to your responsibilities to the Lord. Your responsibility as the husband is to do everything for the holiness and sanctification of your wife, up to sacrificing your life for her, whether you think she deserves it or not. To love her even when you think she is unlovable and disrespectful. That’s a tall order, I know, but that’s your job. Lead as a servant, willing to sacrifice, especially your pride.

Rebellion in the Marriage

Just as the wife often rebels against her obligation of obedience and submission, the husband often rebels against his obligation of service and sacrifice (Ephesians 5:25, John 15:13). Not to put too fine of a point on it but, men, if you refuse your obligations to be an honorable sacrificial leader, who treats his wife as Christ treats the church, you’re being a dirtbag and you shouldn’t expect her to submit to you or respect you. It’s just not going to happen. You’re the head of the house and it always starts with you. Full stop. Lead actively, don’t be passive. Take your family to church. Your wife doesn’t want to go? Too bad. It’s not her decision. It’s yours. The head of the house takes the initiative and responsibility. You want respect and honor, be respectable and honorable.

Responsibility or Reward?

Keep in mind, also, that your responsibilities are not exclusively dutiful. I mean, yeah, it will feel like a chore and horribly difficult to respect a man that doesn’t act loving or love a woman that is disrespectful. It will be a daily effort of dying to yourself and swallowing your pride, (Ephesians 4:14-24) and most importantly, putting into practice: “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32, ESV) But God always has a way of softening people who seek Him. You cannot change another’s attitude or actions, that’s exclusively God’s glory, but you can both diligently seek Him and His will. And if you take the lead as a man and make individual changes in yourself, allowing God to mold you into a gentle-man, you’ll find your dutiful responsibilities become less like chores and more like satisfying accomplishments. Before you know it, the heart of your spouse may be inspired to change and soften as they are prompted by the Holy Spirit and the relationship that was once calloused and hostile has been restored and renewed by God’s grace and is now the reward.

Marriage Blueprints – Simplified

K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid)

So, according to Scripture, a wife is to submit to her husband, regardless of whether she thinks he deserves it, because the husband is the representative of Christ in the home. Christ is the head of the church and lovingly leads His church, and the church submits to Christ in everything. Christ serves the church and sacrificed Himself, laying down His life in love, in order to purify His bride (the church). In the same way, a man is to be a servant leader and sacrifice everything for his wife, whether he thinks she deserves it or not, in order to lovingly lead her to holiness in Christ. In this Marriage Blueprint, the wife should willfully and lovingly submit to the husband’s lead because she knows he is leading her to righteousness in Christ with every step. That means every decision is made for the benefit of her relationship with Jesus Christ. In that pattern of design, children, and by extension the entire community, would follow this blueprint and have servant hearts for the good of other people. Society would be kind, generous, and loving and serve others before their own self-interests. In-fact, that is exactly how the first century church was patterned: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3, ESV) Even in the midst of horrible persecution, Christians served and sacrificed for others out of love. Even when it sucked.

If you’ve neglected or rejected your blueprints, or if you have been reading from the wrong set of blueprints, you have done damage to yourself and your home. But it’s not too late. There is a Master Carpenter, the Architect of design, who can repair that damage and get your house in order. You just have to let Him. So, study the plan and God’s intended design for you. Pattern your life after the blueprint God has for you. Humble yourself. Own your responsibilities and do your own job. You will find that you are made for it and the parts of your house will start falling in place when we follow God’s design for men, women, and the home- our blueprints.